he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
