I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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