she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
