someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
