what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
