my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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