someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
