wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
