if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
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