Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
