Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
