I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
