I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
