yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
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