I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Randomize
