I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize
