If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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