so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
i need some magic done to my vagina
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
And then he peed in my hair
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