Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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