I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
