No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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