I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize