worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
