So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
i out mim tonsoeep
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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