last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
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