Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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