i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
