On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Randomize
