from now on my penis is your penis
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
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