Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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