mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
