Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
