I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
