I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
