Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
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