If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
