she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Randomize
