You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Randomize
