Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
