My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
