I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Randomize
