you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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