U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
