We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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