walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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