Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Randomize
