it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I love how my cats smell like pot.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize