He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Randomize
