Your tits are I can't wait for
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
