Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
