They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Randomize
