Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Randomize
