remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
