I think I won the penis lottery.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
