A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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