first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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