P.S. I can't hear my feet
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
