i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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