I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
