He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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