I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
