Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Randomize
