Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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